are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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