I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
