i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
