Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
