I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
