if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
