I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
