It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
