I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
