Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
