What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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