i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
