Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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