do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
