I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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