at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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