she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
