His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Randomize
