lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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