love makes seman taste better
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
