I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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