You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
