Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
