i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
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Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
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She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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