I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
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I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
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Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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