I'm really into asian looking animals
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
