I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
