I heard we made out
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
