i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Every concussion has its silver lining
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
