I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
How's work?
Spinning.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
