Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think I died a long time ago.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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