i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
