Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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