Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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