i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
