just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
