The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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