How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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