they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
