when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
