i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He better not be in your backpack
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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