On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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