well you can't waste a boner
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
