So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
