At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
