You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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