it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
