I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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