First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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