forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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