So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
