I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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