I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
