the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
