Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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