Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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