I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
