i was born a porn star she said
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Randomize
