We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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