I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You ruined the universe
Randomize
