is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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