Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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