why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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