I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
