I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
